There can be times in our lives when we find ourselves jumping too soon after experiencing a major life transition.
So often, when one experience ends or door closes, we feel like the next door must open immediately. This is shown particularly in the eagerness with which we jump into the next thing after living through a big change in our lives.
But often the door that is apparently closing, hasn’t really closed at all! In our efforts to move onto the next thing, we ignore the fact that the door is still ajar. We try to move on past the fact that there is more work to be done before we are truly ready to step into the next thing.
Personally, I’ve experienced this a few times in my life after major transitions. And whilst your transition may look different, there are commonalities across all times of change.
Leaping after loss
When we lost our second son, I was desperate to fall pregnant again. And so, we started trying again as soon as we could. Yet in hindsight, I realise we didn’t allow ourselves time to fully grieve. Don’t get me wrong – we grieved. We mourned deeply the loss of our beautiful boy. But I suspect it took us both longer to process our loss and the grief, because we were so consumed by our deep desire to be pregnant again.
We were jumping into the next before we’d finished dealing with the now.
Jumping after major change
Moving house is a well-known stressor and major life change. Having moved house twice in the space of 12 months, I can attest to this!
But moving house is another example where we can jump too quickly from the now to the next.
From my own experience with moving house earlier this year, I gave myself only two weeks after we moved to get unpacked and settled in. I placed upon myself (and shared with the world!) the expectation that I would be back working regular hours in my business two weeks after we moved.
Somewhat foolishly and naively, I felt that most of the work pertaining to establishing the house as our home would be pretty much sorted within that two weeks. And I imagined that any remaining organising and settling would be manageable in the few hours of the day spent not running my business or looking after my boys and their needs.
Yes, this was shortsighted! Whilst the house definitely feels like our home, there were, and continue to be, many months of tasks to be completed before the ‘house project’ will be complete.
Moving on before we are really ready
Whilst these couple of examples are from my own life, many transitions are very much like this. The commonality is that for many of us, when we experience a significant change, we are desperate to move on. We deeply wish to be at the place of feeling settled and ‘better’.
But we can be so desperate to move on, we can be blinded into accepting or jumping into a new experience before we have truly processed or dealt with the previous experience. We want to move to the next experience or opportunity.
This can look like jumping into a new career before we are actually ready to leave the previous career. Or trying to get pregnant again after the loss of our baby before we have really grasped the enormity of the loss we have experienced. Or believing we should be able to flick a switch in our minds and hearts to adjust to a new circumstance or situation. And not allowing ourselves the time to process the emotions we have about the experiences that brought us to this point.
Allow time to process and adjust
It is an easy mistake to make, to leap into actively pursuing the new. But it is still a mistake. We need to allow adequate time to truly complete the process; whether it be the process of grief, change or adjustment that comes from the time of transition.
We all need to time to adjust and live with the ‘new’ situation that has resulted due to the change, before we can look to embrace further change.
Support for moving from now to next
Seeking support through times of transition can ensure you are truly ready to move into your next experience. I love to support women make the changes they desire in their life – and I’d love to help you too.
Book in for your complimentary consult and we determine what your ‘next’ might be.