Whether we have experienced a transition, grief, or significant change in our lives, there come times when we feel the need to change direction. Changing direction can be a choice we consciously make, or something that is decided for us. Sometimes circumstances dictate that a change of direction is the only way to move forward.
It’s okay to change direction.
A few short months after the loss of our baby boy, my eldest son and I were taking a bus trip into town. It was an exciting time for him, as he loved taking the bus anywhere as it was such a novelty!
We were seated near the front of the bus, and he was busy talking to me about all the buildings, cars, trucks, other buses and the other things he could see. He was pure 2-year-old enthusiasm; happy, joyful and excited! I was enjoying his enthusiasm despite feeling bus-sick (yes, I am an adult who still gets motion sick…)
Being mindful is like the new black. Being in the moment. Mindfulness.
Everyone talks about it and we all apparently *should* aspire to have moments of it in our days. It’s been shown to improve our well-being and improve our productivity, efficiency and overall happiness. For all people that sounds pretty good, but as busy mothers, it sounds amazing, right!?
When we lose a baby, it’s not just us who experience grief and mourn. Those around us, our parents, our siblings and any children we already have, also all grieve.
Of course, we know this, but it can be very hard to recall when we are consumed by our own loss and the associated pain.
As women, whether we are working or not, mothers or not, grieving or not, we can often find ourselves with a sense of overwhelm. Generally, our society expects us to be wonder-women; to do everything with style and grace, and of course, with a smile.
But so often this sense of expectation leads to overwhelm, burnout and resentment.
What if it was Okay for us to simply say no?
When we change our habits and routines, or take a break and leave town, almost magically, the way we experience time feels different too. It feels slower, and more memorable. We recall in more detail what we did, who we saw, what we ate; our lives feel more interesting.
Knowing this, and using this to our advantage can assist with coping when we have experienced loss.
Trusting our instincts, or listening to our intuition, is something we women are supposedly good at. But, it can take life experience and practice to really learn what that really means. Learning to trust our instincts can take time.
It’s Okay to be you.
I know, this seems pretty obvious! But we can all do with a reminder from time to time. It’s safe to be yourself, and you are needed. You are a role model.
‘You are so brave!’
This has been said to me many times in my life. Each time though, I did not feel brave. Bravery and being brave were often the last things on my mind.
Rather, I was simply doing what I felt I had to do at that time, in that moment.
It’s Okay to want to honour your child
When we experience the loss of a much longed for baby, the way we each cope with the loss is different. And the way we wish to honour those children is as unique as we are; there are similarities, but we are all different. Even within the one household, partners can have very different wishes regarding how they want to honour their child.
But what about the ways we are the same?