Our home is a place where ideally, we feel most ourselves. It is a place of shelter and sanctuary that offers security and comfort. Our homes also hold many of our most valuable things; our loved ones, treasured heirlooms and possessions, as well as precious memories.
We are currently in the process of preparing to move house, and as a result I am feeling like Marie Kondo on speed! I’m touching every single item in my home and asking not only does this spark joy, but is it useful, do we need it, do we love it and will we need it in our new abode. That is a lot of questions to be running through your head, let me tell you!
What I have found is that the possessions are the easy part. The memories are the hardest part.
The emotional home
The memories contained within the home bring up many emotions.
And thus, my home is an emotional home. As I walk through each room or consider each item, a flood of memories return, and with them emotions.
Memories of wonderful times, and memories of terribly sad times.
This is the house to which we brought our stillborn son home. Our home; his home. The only house we will have held him and loved him from and in. The only place, aside from the hospital, that he ever spent the night. The place where for one night we had him with us, under the same roof, in an environment filled with love.
The home where we went on to have another baby boy. The only home either have ever known.
Home is where the heart is
A fellow coach and dear friend reminded me that a building doesn’t make a home. The energy and love of the people in the building create the home. And particularly the energy and love of the mother. I am returning to these wise words each day as I assess our belongings, and acknowledge the memories each one brings up.
My heart is always with my family, and my stillborn son is always in my heart. So whilst my heart is sad to be leaving this home, and its many memories, I know that my angel son will always be with me in my heart, just as my living sons are too.
Courage and connection is needed
It can feel very hard but also courageous to change our environment, especially when there are deep-held emotional ties to our physical location. Many things can bring up these emotions in our lives, yet moving house may not be one we think of until we are in the midst of it. At these times, finding others to connect with who understand where you are at and what you are feeling, is vital. These are not easy conversations to have, but as you have read, I get it.
As a bereaved parent, there are many ways we are triggered as we move through our lives. I would not have suspected moving house would be triggering, but now know that for me at least, it is.
If you have experienced something similar, or have been triggered by something unforeseen, you may wish to find a group of like-minded souls to connect with. Parents Evolving & Transitioning After Loss is a group you might like to consider joining to find the connection you seek. You can learn more about the group here.
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