When we change our habits and routines, or take a break and leave town, almost magically, the way we experience time feels different too. It feels slower, and more memorable. We recall in more detail what we did, who we saw, what we ate; our lives feel more interesting.
Knowing this, and using this to our advantage can assist with coping when we have experienced loss.
Learn how to manage your heightened emotions at Christmas time in this guest post by Intuitive Coach Laurelle Wishart.
Ho ho ho! Christmas is really close now. Can you feel it? The air feels supercharged, with people racing to get things done, buy final bits and pieces, finish up at work, make last-minute arrangements and attend family dinners, presentations, celebrations and endless ‘occasions’.
Christmas is an emotional time, there’s no getting around it. And if you’ve experienced a significant loss in your life, so many moments this time of year can trigger sadness and grief – the conversations with loved ones and strangers, the music, food, smells and memories that seamlessly and sometimes painfully bring the past into the present.
Rituals and traditions play an important part in our lives. Whether we identify as religious, spiritual or neither, rituals and traditions are forms of structure that help life flow more easily.
As bereaved parents, the importance of tradition is particularly felt around the holiday season and Christmas, when having traditions, or creating new traditions can help us get through potentially challenging times.
Trusting our instincts, or listening to our intuition, is something we women are supposedly good at. But, it can take life experience and practice to really learn what that really means. Learning to trust our instincts can take time.
It’s Okay to be you.
I know, this seems pretty obvious! But we can all do with a reminder from time to time. It’s safe to be yourself, and you are needed. You are a role model.
‘You are so brave!’
This has been said to me many times in my life. Each time though, I did not feel brave. Bravery and being brave were often the last things on my mind.
Rather, I was simply doing what I felt I had to do at that time, in that moment.
It’s Okay to want to honour your child
When we experience the loss of a much longed for baby, the way we each cope with the loss is different. And the way we wish to honour those children is as unique as we are; there are similarities, but we are all different. Even within the one household, partners can have very different wishes regarding how they want to honour their child.
But what about the ways we are the same?
Loss – a definition
- Failure to keep or to continue to have something
- The experience of having something taken from you or destroyed
Despite the pretty clear similarities in the first and second definitions above (loss; not having something), apparently we can have different definitions of loss, and different interpretations of what that means.
So much of our identity is linked to titles, jobs and labels. But what happens when a longed for label doesn’t arrive in the way we wanted? What impact does that have on our identity?
It’s Okay to want to leave a legacy.
We talk about the idea of legacy; leaving a legacy, living a legacy.
The way we wish to leave or live a legacy can be different for every individual.
Parents, grandparents, siblings, friends and relatives are all impacted by the loss of a child. It’s Okay for any individual to want to honour the memory of your child.
It’s Okay for anyone to want to leave a legacy.